I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
