If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
