told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
