no, he came in my armpit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
