Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
