Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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