it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
