Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
