Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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