like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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