eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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