My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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