Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
