he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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