toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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