I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
