my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
