i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
