I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
