A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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