i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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