I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
