Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
