You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
