girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
