Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
