hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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