You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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