Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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