I am puke
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
