I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
