just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
