Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
