I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
