I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
