could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
