Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
