Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
