dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
