and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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