I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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