sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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