he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
