he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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