and you said cock pushups were impossible
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
