if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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