Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
