Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
