I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
