dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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