id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
