Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
