Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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