Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
