You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
