is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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