I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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