I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
